Wednesday, 4 September 2013

To What Extent Should Friends Meddle In Private/Family Matters?

First time I saw a glimpse of this beautiful lady was a video clip of her teaching anyone who cared to learn how to tie gele . Prior to then I never knew anything about her and I had to quiz Pholly who gave me a run down of who she was. One thing I noted about Adenike Ogungbe, a renowned make-up artist, founder and CEO of Ewar Makeovers  was her unending smile and a hint of shyness that all her grammar couldn't hide so you can imagine my sadness when I heard she passed away from complication during childbirth. View Video.

Everybody who knew her was shocked at the news and at the same time sad how such a young talented young woman just went to waste. But like life itself, everyone's moved on so I was a bit surprised when I saw an open letter written  by her friends to her inlaws. Read below:

“It’s no news to every born Nigeria; home & abroad the standard processes involved in a marriage. Where there are cultural standards, there are also religious standards. In most parts of the world, either culturally or by virtue of religion when a woman marries a man she automatically adopts her husband’s family name. In exceptional cases, the couple may decide otherwise. The Ogungbe family, without doubt are Yorubas and they have proclaimed long enough to be Christians. Unfortunately, the recent events following their actions and contributions to Adenike Ogungbe’s death has proven this bunch otherwise.  
In the course of our investigation, some people actually questioned and wondered if Adenike ordinarily moved in with Abidemi without formal/religious ceremony. Adenike got married to Abidemi legally and traditionally. Some of us were there to grace the occasion. Adenike was a legal, faithful, dedicated and committed wife to the Ogungbe family. In Yoruba culture, during the traditional wedding ceremony, the bride is made to sit on the laps of her newly acquired parents. This is only to confer their acceptance of the child as their own and welcome her into the family. Unfortunately, the Ogungbe family failed Adenike in this regard.She was denied of adequate medical needs by being taken to a quack doctor in an occultic hospital in Sagamu, Ogun State.
Today, 3rd of September 2013 marks the 2nd month anniversary of Adenike’s depart and sadly up until this very moment NOT ONE single member of the entire Ogungbe family have gone to pay respect to the Kareems’ family (Adenike's biological parents) neither have they been allowed to see the child Adenike left behind. Worst still not even Adenike’s estranged husband Bidemi has gone to see his in-laws! What a shame! 
They have lost a child, a successful, young, vibrant woman for that matter. How evil could the Ogungbe’s be? We believe there is no adult or elderly person or anyone with wisdom or human conscience left in the ogungbe family, that is why we decided to write an open letter to the OGUNGBE FAMILY OF AGO – IWOYE and let them know that they’re a big shame and disgrace to the entire Yoruba culture, Christian world and human race. Shame on them! 
It’s only human to pay honour to whom honour it is due. Adenike might have died as Mrs Ogungbe, it does not change the fact that she has parents and siblings who deserve to be honoured having given their daughter away in trust to this evil family that not only controlled, manipulated and purposely led her to her death.” Friends of Ewar

I'm going to ask a couple of questions:

1. What do they mean by "She was denied of adequate medical needs by being taken to a quack doctor in an occultic hospital in Sagamu, Ogun State"? This was a successful young woman who could have taken her self to any hospital she deemed fit, shouldn't she be held responsible for going there?

2.  If her inlaws recommended the said clinic that means they actually knew the clinic and its owner's reputation, why agree to go there?

3.  How privy is the writer to the real circumstances surrounding her marriage? Is it possible that both families never met or conferred with each other before and during the burial?

4. To what extent should friends waddle into such matters? shouldn't Ewar's family be doing the fighting?


  1. These are the kind of stories I don't like to hear. first of all, There is no such thing as marrying the whole family, people say it but to me it really makes no sense. They are not your blood and they can never be no matter how we pretend. The thing about my nigerian is that we are naive and do not want and like to face or hear the truth. They are your in-laws and not your family simple.

    Let a fight break out like this story then you'll tell me if they are 'your family'. Build your own home, do not let family, immediate, extended or friends meddle in your affair.

  2. The questions you raised were my exact sentiments while reading this piece, why won't people learn to mind their own business, if she was as successful as we are being made to believe i don't see why she didn't take herself to a supposed better hospital. She died and i don't think now is the time to start apportioning blame and like you rightly pointed out the state of her marriage is her secret and her husbands to keep.

  3. No one knows what goes on in the dark. No one knows the crisis and the trials... No one even know what the husband feels or felt. Its quite unfortunate the dead dont talk.

    1. U said it all! Gbam! D dead don't talk.