Bloodlines…..

Missed me? Yes you did, so don’t even deny it. And I know you wondered where I was and what I was up to but did you look for me or ask? You didn’t! If you must know, Crunchy had writer’s block with a healthy dose of procrastination but it’s all good because I’m back on board.

A lot happened the few days I was away, the most intriguing being Aswad Ayinde’s conviction for repeatedly molesting his daughters to the extent of fathering children with them between mid 1980s – 2002 ! As in he was 'knacking' his wife and kids at same time over this long period? And I thought it was an oyibo disease, this one is closer to home and I wonder how Nigerians are reacting this revelation. 

I won’t go into details because I know you’ve all read it in newspapers, online sites and even television, no need rehashing what’s been said, I’m more interested in his reasons and the role his wife played in this macabre dance.

First of all, Aswad’s reasons were that he wanted to maintain a pure bloodline and that the world was coming to an end and like the biblical Noah, he and his offsprings would be the chosen ones. What does that tell you? Who are you dealing with here? A mentally deranged man? A man who has been brainwashed by whatever sprout of religion he’s adhering to? Or is it just a pure case of using science for self preservation?

For centuries, there has been cases of people applying almost same methods for different reasons, so it’s not like it’s a new phenomenon. In order to maintain pure royal bloodlines, ancient Egyptians encouraged direct siblings to marry.

I once read about an Italian outpost called Talana in Sardinia , they didn’t have electricity  until 1957 and their first paved road was constructed in 1970, so also did they have their first television.What made this outpost different from the rest of the modern world was that they were a homogenous enclave. And as little as they were, they’ve been strictly marrying within themselves for over 300 years so you’re dealing with a group of people who are pure bloodlines with the sole aim of preserving themselves through ensuring pollution free genes from diseases and external influences.

Which of these would you ascribe Aswad’s case to? Is he a mere peadophile using an incoherent belief system to defile his daughters? Does he actually have grand illusions of the endtime? Or is he just using science as a self preservation tool like the Talanans?

Society regards the family as it’s smallest unit, this is the bedrock of every child’s socialization, get it wrong here and you have a society with dysfunctional members who are unable to fit in. the couple is seen as co-workers, striving and checking each other to raise well balanced kids. Aswad’s wife claimed she was too scared to question her husband’s activities because of the backlash. And I ask, in which country? Same country that champions the protection of women and children? How fearful can a woman be of her husband that she would neglect the protection of her kids? Even after she had left the union?

This, I’m aware is the case of so many women out there who turn a blind eye when fathers molest their children. In Nigeria particularly, it’s rare to see a woman who would actually blow the whistle on her husband when necessary, they would prefer to hide the truth just to keep up appearances and thereby end up enabling the man.

Like I’ll always stress, you can never detect a pedophile just by looking at them but rather by their actions. There are so many out there with different character flaws and It only takes well developed societies to detect who is sane and who isn’t. apart from that, the responsibility lies with couples to take responsibility when necessary. And just like my earlier post months ago stressed,  it’s You Vs Pedophiles….

What Do Your Kids Do Behind Closed Doors?

We all played ‘house’ at some point while growing up, you know that ‘Mama and Papa’ stuff and for most it was just an innocent game. How far did you go with the game?

I think it’s time you get serious about who your kids play with, what games they play,where they play these games and  what they watch?  If for nothing else, at least for your own peace of mind. 

It took me days to have the courage to post this picture and i even had to blot off some parts so kindly don't make this a blog fanfare and i apologise for its explicitness. At the same time, this is a reality check for parents.

And i’m so curious to know who took this picture.

When Our Celebrities Speak...... Do They Matter?

Nigerian Top Actress, Stella Damasus did her share of venting in this video, which has been in circulation since yesterday and i had mixed feelings when i watched it. First of all i was happy that she echoed my thoughts on the matter in the sense that it's not really about Islam as a religion but rather people hiding behind that religion to assuage their hunger for under aged kids.

Secondly, how weighty are the voices of our celebrities? Do they really command that level of influence? An influence big enough to start a class action?


Read My Earlier Post On The Matter: Old Wines Are More Tasty........

What Is Wrong With This Advert?

For the first time, i studied this advert 2 weeks ago and i felt something was wrong with it, can you identify what they got wrong?

You'll Never Be Stranded On The Streets Of Lagos. #RideShare

You remember how you tend to get anxious about commuting within Lagos? Especially if you have no car or you car isn’t available and you have urgent errands to run. Also you try to make it as quick as possible to the BRT bus-stops to avoid the long queues? And when it rains, the commercial cars tend to disappear from the roads and you have hundreds of stranded commuters who aren’t even willing to pool together and get taxis.

Here’s a chance to use Rideshare to fix that problem, it is a door-to-door taxi service where passengers are often required to travel with other people in the same vehicle thereby occupying otherwise empty seats and sharing the cost of the ride. The service is mainly intended for people who have a regular commuting pattern e.g. Workers, Students.

Ridesharing can cut your commuting costs, minimize wear and tear on your car and make for a less stressful commute. Ridesharing also helps reduce traffic and parking congestion and promotes cleaner air by reducing car emissions.

According to surveys, most workers believe their commute is the most stressful part of their workday. It's no wonder when the average commuter spends twenty hours each week behind the wheel of a car, the equivalent of working two extra days per week. 

In contrast, Rideshare riders can relax, read the newspaper, work on their laptop, or just take a nap. There are fewer worries about traffic, vehicle reliability or getting to work on time.There are various Rideshare options so you can determine who you ride with.

The service will be launched in various Nigerian cities in the coming weeks. 

For more information: Click Here 

What Personal Swag Would You Like To Add To Distinguish Your Wedding From Others?

People have been known to add a touch of style to their weddings to either make a statement or cut cost. Either way, it gets done and they distinguish themselves from others. Sometimes they make sense, other times, hilarious and even outrageous. 

As always, Oyibo people can like to go overboard and while we’re still playing local league here, Oyibo don pull cloth o! 

First ever recorded nude wedding was in Elysian Fields, California in 1942 and since then it has become very popular. It’s very easy to find locations where you can pull off this stunt like beach resorts and also the fact that there are about 270 clothes free or clothes-optional clubs in America alone. 

Low Budget?

Nudist Wedding

World's largest nude wedding in Jamaica, February 14, 2003

Coat of Many Colours?

No Comment!!!!!!!!!!!

This can only be in Nollywood

Super Ted?

I Pity This Babe, She never lose alignment?

This is one stunt i know i can pull off

Fine Geh!!!

This must be Ghana

Me Likey!!! Note the Groom's Indian styled suit

What's your ideal wedding style? How would you want to theme your wedding? Would you prefer the Wow

or Oh My Gawd Factor?  

 

Enjoy your Sunday......

Old Wines Are More Tasty.... #ChildNotBride

For days, the country has been hot due to the Senate’s plan to legalize Child Brides; millions of Nigerians showed their displeasure on social media and even went as far as setting up centers all over the country encouraging everyone to show up append their signatures to a petition needed to counter the move.

And like all trending issues, sides were taken with our Muslim brothers and sisters being on the defensive. The general consensus has been that the idea of Child Brides is being championed by Northern Senators who are basing their position on the tenets of Islam. Does Islam really encourage the notion of Child Brides? 

I read an article supposedly written by an Islamic scholar who maintained that Prophet never married an under aged girl but rather the narrator distorted the story. Was the narrator right or wrong? Was the information distorted? Click here to read what he has to say and draw your own conclusions.

Also note that like all religions, people tend to interpret it the way it suits their purposes, it’s not just about Islam, it cuts across religions. I’ve always stressed on this blog that people make subjective interpretations of holy books.

Like Aids, Pedophilia no dey show for face, you can never detect who is, it has no particular religion but rather has a common creed which in my opinion translates to “ small ones are more juicy” and it boils down to personal preference. Just like you and I have a preference when it comes to the opposite sex, pedophiles have their preference too and it’s just unfortunate that they can actually hide behind a religion to get what they want and believe me these crop of people do not speak the minds of most northerners, I believe there are northerners who would frown against this act. Would they speak up? I honestly don’t know.

We have 34 senators who voted “Aye”? How many voted “Nay”? How many sat on the fence? Should anyone be even sitting on the fence on this crucial matter? Are these the same crop of people who fought against homosexuality? What has changed since then? Is there a huge gap between Paedophila and homosexuality?

If you ask me, the #ChildNotBride movement is a class action against a group of people who like I said earlier are hiding behind religion to do what they like.

An underaged girl is like an unripe orange or immature wine, it has not grown to its full potential and nutritive value and only a mentally ill person would prefer that over an extra matured wine. Everyone knows the joy of having an extra matured woman and to stress how much she's appreciated, the Yorubas call her “Obirin Agbalagba” while the Igbos call her “ Nwa Agbogho Kajara-Akaja and if someone would actually choose an underaged over her, then you do the math and tell me if something is not wrong here.

What Every Adult Should Know # Etiquette 101

I grew up in a home where it didn't matter what plate or cutlery  you were eating with or even where you were eating and because of that i lacked that basic etiquette, neither did i learn to use a cutlery set properly until my boss called in a company that handles such things to teach the staff during one of our management meetings. 


Despite all that polishing, i still never got the chance to learn how to set a table until this morning when i glanced through Leke Alder's time line on twitter and saw this diagram and to say i'm thrilled would be an understatement.

So to the pako/kpako kids like me who grew up without learning this, here's a diagram to help you and to all mothers, here's a chance to put your kids in the know.

The Perfect Dinner Table

It's not just for the girls, every guy should know how to set a table too, especially in our present system where roles have been mainstreamed.

To learn more on how to be a lady, you can follow Leke Adler on twitter @Leke_Alder

My Chat With One Of Nigeria's Top Chefs, Bola Avant- Garde

 It’s a known fact that Nigerians love white collar jobs, a job with minimal stress and none of the anxiety that comes with starting your own business based on your passion.

How many of us are actually following our passion? How many of us have tried turning our passion to a business venture?

Today I’m featuring one of Nigeria’s Top Chefs, a young, handsome, fresh faced dude. First time I heard about him was on radio and trust me to keep tabs on him and today I have the pleasure of publishing my interview with him. I hope it will be a source of inspiration to you or anyone close to you who would like to venture into his field.

Cheers.

Chef  Bola

1.  Please Introduce yourself briefly . I am a 28 year old Nigerian, who hails from Lagos and Rivers States, I'm an extrovert, a sanguine to be precise. I’m bizarrely optimistic. Think about a bowl of tiramisu with pistachio nuts on a very sunny day; that’s me, bright, cool, fun loving with a twist. I also can be quite impulsive and adventurous.

  2.  What’s your educational background? I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Cell Biology and Genetics, from the University of Lagos Akoka Lagos.

  3.  When did you realize you wanted to move from Cell Biologist to Chef? There was no transitional moment for me, it’s a passion I always had as a kid, with mentors like Iyabo lawani, Funmi Adeoye, Ainsley Harriot, Jamie Oliver to name a few, so I will say it was  basically a chore that eventually became a hobby, and ultimately a profession. Studying cell biology I will say is a plus, because I also have a passion for life, living things and knowledge itself. 

Chicken Cordon Bleu

  4.  What was your family’s reaction? My mother and siblings loved it from the beginning, it was then an anomaly for a guy to have a talent for cooking, as the last child of four boys, it also helped in ameliorating the stress my mother had to go through going to work and coming back to make a proper meal for the family. My father was a bit hesitant initially, that none of his sons would end up in the kitchen of some hotel or restaurant.

  5.  Have you had any formal training? If yes, where? I have not had formal training, I am self-taught with quite an amount of experience.

Ragout & Tilapia

  6.  Apart from running Avant -Garde Cuisines, Are you associated with any hotel/restaurant in Nigeria? At the moment, I am not

  7.  Describe Afro-Euro-Asian Cuisine and what are your major must haves when preparing this fusion? Afro-Euro-Asian cuisine simply means a combination of African, European and Asian cuisines. It’s basically done by marrying together components of cuisines of the regions mentioned, for example having Pasta (European) served with Sweet and Sour Chicken (Asian) and A Suya Beef vegetable stir Fry (African).

  8.  What makes you stand out from other Nigerian Chefs?   I pride myself in being pro health. I believe in dishing highly presentable and tasty yet healthy dishes. As I have a back ground in genetics and nutrition. I make paramount the nutritional and health values of my meals. I also propose healthier and tasty options in food preparation, for example in some recipes I find lower calorie options, like cooking with wine as opposed to conventional fatty methods.

  9.  What’s the largest number of people you’ve ever catered to at once? I have catered to over a  thousand people at a time; it was a cocktail/ barbecue party while I was in the university. And also a corporate soiree of 800 hundred people professionally.

Smoke Me Sweet ( A rolled stuffed bacon with dates and cream cheese

  10.  Who are your clients so far? I have worked with a wide range of clientele; such as corporate bodies, multinationals, institutions like JMG Generator, Nigerian Breweries, University of Lagos and Integrated Business Strategies. I also carter high end events for very influential individuals ,friends and family, with a fair share of pro bono.

  11.  Do you cook already documented dishes or you also come up with new dishes? I cook some classic documented dishes, but then as a Fusion chef, I create meals of my own. As a matter of fact, Avant Garde drives on a mantra of art inspired cooking, which gives room to be innovative.

Chef Bola doing a Flambe 

  12.  Based on your knowledge of your industry, what do you think is lacking?  The lack of appreciation for foreign cooking techniques; many of us have very stoic pallets, and are not willing to try new things. This inhibits the ability and or drive to want to explore or even develop African cuisine which I am particular about.

Efo Riro Gourmet Style

 13.  What has been your personal experience while carving a niche for yourself?   I would say, it has been a bitter sweet, roller coaster experience; you obviously have people who critique what you do, for  lack of understanding of the art of inventive cooking. Like recently my gourmet styled Efo Riro with garnish was critiqued by someone who said it looked like a bowl of sacrifice; but paradoxically it got rave reviews from lots of people and good ratings from professional chefs, one even called it Efo Nicoisse (meaning Nice in French).

  14.  Why do you think there are few professional chefs in Nigeria? As I have mentioned earlier there’s this lack of appreciation of Food in itself and inventive cooking, an average African wants his food served and not “disguised”. Also many people don’t find being a chef as a worthy profession; lots of parents don’t foster the idea of training their kids to be chefs and or deem it as a desirable career option.

Chicken Pineapple Ragout

  15.  What has been your biggest inspiration?   My mother; who is my greatest fan and critic, my friends and Family, mostly how my fan base is looming. And that look of satisfaction and sustained ecstasy people have when they taste my meals, which ultimately drives me to want to do more

  16.  What is your ultimate goal?   I want to be a world renowned celebrity chef, a prof. Wole Soyinka of the culinary world, an authority in food.

17. Personally, I'm an avid follower of Food Network on DSTV and I'm always disappointed at the low quality of food competitions in Nigeria both in performance and quality of judges, What's your impression of our competitions and how do you think we can get it right? Basically, Budget and Production matters, we have the intellectual property to execute world standard cooking competitions. Like the Knorr Taste Quest I was a part of, a lot went into it regarding planning and production. It's not only a cumbersome task, its quite ambiguous as well. I believe we can achieve such international standards as are seen on Food Network and its likes, with a well funded budget. The competence of judges still boils down to the fact we lack a wide range of well trained celebrity chefs to choose from. I believe a lot of Exposure is being put into the culinary industry, and we can only get better.

  

He's won Competitions Too

18.  What advice would you give aspiring Nigerian Chefs?   Believe in yourself, challenge yourself. I read a book on putting in 10,000 hours in what you do to become a professional in that field (Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell). This means hard work, passion, focus and loving what you do, irrespective of who puts you down. Accept a worthy competition as it always makes you better. But first get an Education because fundamentals are the basics of fun. As my friend always says, “Love what you do and do what you love”.

>>> Curtain Closes<<<

Hope you enjoyed our chat? If you would like to get in touch with Bola or see more of his cuisines, check his details below:

Email:  aaron.bolarinwa@yahoo.com

Twitter: @bola_avantgarde

FaceBook: Aaron Bolarinwa/Avant Garde cuisines

On A Lighter Side, Can You Figure This Out?

Despite the fact that they  are at each other's throats, Dame Patience and Jonah Jang respectively keep referring to Amaechi as "My Son".

Is There something we need to know?

That Thin Line Between Love And Prostitution

As usual, I had an intriguing chat with someone over the weekend and at some point, the discussion settled on the dating vices of Nigerian women. According to him, it’s only in Nigeria that you’ll find a woman in love with several men and in full relationship with all of them at once.

Also, Nigerian women do not go into these relationships without expectations, they expect to be compensated monetarily for their involvement.

The married ones are not left out either, gone are those days when women have extra marital affairs just for the thrill of it, now they want a piece of the action, and like the singles expect to be compensated.

After hearing this, I tired sampling opinions of some other people and all responses tallied and personally, I feel it’s an indictment on our womenfolk.

Is there a justification for this trend? Are these mere accusations leveled at the women just to leave the field of play to the menfolk?

Charles Novia's Hypothesis On Beverly's Conduct. #BBAChase

Few days ago, i wrote an article and asked if given the chance, you feel you would have conducted yourself better and a lot of you went into hiding, anyway, read Charles Novia's thoughts on the incidence.

Charles Novia

Beverly

South Africa's Angelo

Hear him:

"I mentioned earlier on my facebook page that I don’t follow Big Brother Africa and that is by choice. A choice I believe lots of people have on their decoders by ignoring or disabling the channel off their bouquet. I align myself with Professor Wole Soyinka’s statement made a few years back that BBA is pervasive and debasing.

Reading snippets of this year’s edition on some online platforms, I think the Good Prof’s statement has largely been vindicated. Uninhibited sèxual frolicks on open camera, accusations of STDs being passed around, shameless smooching by hormonal charged housemates and ear-tingling swear words are the pre-dominant values being shown to the continent from that neo-Gommorhic contraption of a creation. Of course, I’m told the content producers cleverly hide my above description with so-called tasks which lamely try to project positive African cultures and traditions; which is ironical because such modern franchises like BBA are neo-imperialist means of eroding the very essence of Africanism as the world moves to an incomprehensible digital age. 

There are various countries represented in the BBA house from many African countries. The Producers of the show cleverly put up a caveat that the contestants represent themselves and not their countries, which I find nebulous and amusing. But I understand why they are playing safe. The reality is that BBA is a competition and every person in that house represents (intentionally or otherwise) the culture and morals of their respective countries. So when one housemate screams blue murder that he was infected by another with an sèxually transmitted disease ( I’m told its a Nando accusing a Selly) its not just a personal accusation. Its Nando’s country (Tanzania) accusing Ghana of giving them Chlamydia. That’s just the plain reality. 

And while some of us are sniggering about that, the latest furore generated by Nigeria’s representative in the house, Beverly Osu, over her unlimited libido is as shameful to many as it is interesting to others. Almost all major Nigerian online sites and newspapers have been awash with opinions and comments for the past couple of days about how Beverly got herself in a ferocious foreplay which was caught on camera. In accompanying pictures, Beverly is seen with her South African romantic interest, Angelo, in a hot-blooded sèxual position with mouth agape in ecstasy as he does something to her with his finger. In fact, I don’t even know which is more shocking, the act itself or the crass reportage given to it by the bloggers. Most of the bloggers went on a tactless headline spree by posting headlines such as ‘Beverly Osu ‘fingered’ by Angelo’ and other shocking headlines like that. What is that naa? Ehn? I guess they didn’t know how else to report it except in the tell-it-like-it-is headline.

Anyway, the arguement in Beverly’s favour is as amusing to me as it is as silly. Some say its her body and she can do what she wants with it. True. I agree. But those with such opinions could very well ask their sisters or daughters who have bodies to dance naked in the National Stadium to accentuate their arguement. Since freedom of the body has now moved from being personal to being open in a visual zoo, then those people might as well go on a naked display.

Another school of thought canvassed by former Big Brother winner, Uti Nwachukwu, says its not easy for a sèxually active person to ‘hold bodi’ for 3 months in the house. Is that an excuse? In fact, from the Biblical perspective, I liken the sèxual adventures in the BBA house to the sacrilegeous Absalomic act in the Bible, wherein Absalom openly slept with his Father’s concubines for all to see on his royal patio. Only, in the BBA, there are no kings or usurpers. Only people who profess to be followers of faiths they don’t know jack about. 

Coming back to my hypothesis, it is not Angelo who used the finger on Beverly. Its actually South Africa which has fingered and sub-raped Nigeria. Since both housemates are representatives of their countries, Angelo’s act should be seen for its symbolism rather than its entertainment value. SA is the biggest economy in Africa, according to financial analysts. Nigeria is the fastest growing economy in Africa. There’s been a struggle for continental domination by both countries over the years. To underscore their importance in Africa, South African companies have been investing heavily in Nigeria; finding huge profits in the porous economy of Nigeria. Nigerians welcome all these investments with open arms. Just as Beverly opened her arms and *cough, cough* for Angelo. 

So, when Angelo carried out his act, he might have been telling us Nigerians who cared to watch, ‘F**k you, all! You Nigerians ain’t shit’. And that is how I see it. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not xenophobic in anyway. I’m being very realistic. Beverly represents a whoring Nigeria which seem to get nothing right but just allows itself to be screwed both by internal and external interests. Its as simple as that. 

But all this grammar and analogy I’m giving here will not change something. When this same Beverly comes back from the BBA house, she would have turned into the next big celebrity with possible companies falling over themselves to sign her for endorsements. Its just what pointing fingers can do to one."

Charles Novia is a Nollywood filmaker and critic. you can follow him on twitter @charlesnovia

Why Is Dame Patience Not Here?

The African First Ladies Summit held July 2-3, 2013 in Dar es Salaam,Tanzania has come and gone. The summit was hosted by the Bush Institute in partnership with Exxon Mobil and it was themed "Investing in Women: Strengthening Africa."

The summit emphasized effective investments in women that lead to greater stability and prosperity in countries. Investing in Women: Strengthening Africa highlights the critical role First Ladies play as advocates for women and girls, spotlights success stories and best practices, and discusses public-private partnerships that lead to sustainable results.

In Laura Bush's words,

"We all know what it is like to have your husband be president... we first ladies have a lot of things we can talk about together, that no one else really will understand.

"Ways to protect our children, how to make life easier when your husband is being criticized, or whatever, you know what the issues of today are."

 Michelle Obama and Laura Bush

Matilda Amissah ( Ghana's Vice President's Wife)

Sia Nyama Koroma (Sierra Leone's First Lady) 

Nompumelelo Ntuli Zuma (South Africa's First Lady) 

Roman Tesfaye (Ethiopia's First Lady) 

Janet Kataaha Museveni (Uganda's First Lady) 

Maria da Luz Dai Guebuza (Mozambique's First Lady) 

Salma Kikwete (Tanzania's First Lady)

WANTED

I was really eager to check out my First Lady, but alas, she wasn't there! Really wondering why she didn't feature considering this should be her area of expertise and she sure needs tutorials.


Please Where Is Dame ?

TB Joshua, When Will CrunchyApple Hammer?

Prophet TB Joshua has slowly carved a niche for himself in the area of prophesy. While other spiritual leaders are doing what they do best, TB Joshua is becoming more popular with his various prophesies in the area of football and politics. 

I learnt Al- Mustapha paid him a visit immediately he was acquitted and I hear he claims to have prophesied Mustapha’s release. Anyway, methinks it’s about time he delves into fortune telling and I’d like to consult him and find out when I’ll hammer.

If given the chance, would you like to consult him too? And what would you want him to foretell?